Several people have posted or emailed about the whole transition. While I have posted positives, I should also clarify some of the not so positive details so you have a better idea of how things really are.
Steven's transition is going well. But, he is being aggressive and throwing tantrums several times a day. He has scratched, bit, pulled hair, kicked, etc. The difference is that they are better trained to handle it. He continues to have sleep issues there, and the staff has asked us if waking up at 1:45 am each day is typical for him. We reply yes, they are seeing the real Steven. His house mom, Sonya, has told us that Steven's aides are exhausted after an 8 hour shift. They have constantly said to us that they don't know how we did it alone for so long. So, while it has been an easier transition than we expected, the behaviors and other issues remain the same. However, instead of the 2 of us being the primary caregivers, Steven has a staff of 8 rotating with him throughout each 24 hour period.
As for us, we're not doing great. We cry at the smallest things. We feel sad. We are happy for Steven, but sad for us. Having to admit that our child is more than we can handle at home is devastating and breaks our hearts. We are trying to go through the motions of day to day living, but it's very hard. We went grocery shopping last night and I found myself crying when I saw some of Steven's favorite things and remembered that we didn't need to buy them.
We are all adjusting to the fact that we can do certain things that we weren't able to do before. We are realizing how much energy we spent trying to keep him safe and happy. Yesterday, I was tired and decided to take a nap. It was weird to be able to do that. The house is extremely quiet. We are all struggling with the quiet.
Our family counselor advised us in advance that it was likely we would go through some symptoms of PTSD. I guess I better read up on that so I know what that means and gain some insight on how to help us all through this.
So, the positive is that Steven is happy. But, the reality is that he is the only one that is.
We appreciate everyone's support through this. I'm sure in time we will be able to post more positives for us as we learn to transition to live life without 1/4 of our family under our roof. But, for now, it just sucks.
B
Betsy, thank you for sharing some of the more unpleasant aspects of what you are going through. It is so hard to know what to say when someone you love is hurting. From long distance, it is hard to send the hugs you need, the shoulders you need, the love you need. But, I hope you feel it. So many people are hurting for you but we can't possibly feel the extent of grief that you feel right now. No doubt this transition is difficult for you, Troy, and Meg. Its going to take alot of time to come to grips with everything. But if you need anything, please call me. I love you Honey, so much. Aunt Gwen
ReplyDeleteBets, you are all so strong to even have to face what had to be done. I have such admiration for all of you. I can't even begin to imagine the emotional journey you have embarked upon, but I know you have the strength to adjust to it because you want what is best for your son. Please know you are all in my heart and prayers and will be. Love and hugs to all of you, Erlene
ReplyDeleteOf course everyone is feeling terrible about the transition. Everyone is happy about where he is though. It's going to be rough for a long time. I'm sure for Steven as well. I was just so pleased to see and hear how the residence is handling things and that there is so much for him to do there. I wish there was some way I could help to ease the pain you all are feeling. Please take comfort in knowing you are doing the best for Steven and the entire family. We love you!
ReplyDeleteJody
My thoughts are with you all constantly. I'm sending you love and best wishes every minute. Love, Ang
ReplyDeleteBets, Troy and Megan,
ReplyDeleteI can't imagine what you're going through in order to provide these services for Steven. I am in awe that you can even function right now and I thank you for keeping us up-to-date. Honey, no one said you had to be strong all the time, you have done that for long enough. Go ahead and cry if that will give you relief. I wish I could hold you...you know that. I am sure this will get better and easier for the three of you, I just wish it would hurry! I feel your pain and yet, I feel so damn helpless. I love you, Bets, and am thinking of you constantly..
Aunt Les
(PS..Uncle Randy wanted me to tell you he loves you..and we'll try to get to Texas soon)
Hey Bets (and fam), am so glad - like the other loved ones that have posted here - that you posted the not so nice things going on. We can all hold you up in prayer which is the most powerful thing any of us can do for you. I can't imagine what you're going through but am certainly aching and hurting right alongside with you. Know that I'm only a phone call away or even a short flight away. Love you more than you know...Ruthie
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